As a youth leader who happens to be female, I am constantly reminded that “this is our time”. Girls and women are on the cusp of creating new realities that can influence not only our lives, but that of so many others.
Not often, but sometimes I follow or read the posts of influencers to see what resonates. As with anything, I take what works and leave the rest behind. Recently, I have been watching the lives unfold of a handful of Hollywood celebrities. It is not typically where I’ve spent my time and energy because I don’t place them on pedestals as many others do. My parents have been involved in the industry in the past and given their exposure to so many leaders around the world, being starstruck was never a thing in our house.
The other day, there was a social media post, that frankly seemed to be part of a muted duel I’ve watched unfolding. It started off about socks and fault versus responsibility, then segued into how all of this can translate into where we might find ourselves if we take shortcuts. Like a rodeo clown, apparently, in the middle of a bullring wondering how we ended up there without our matching socks, and inferentially attributed to poor choices and shortcuts.
It is rare that I participate in these threads. Most of my comments are left in the posts of nonprofits, businesses, governments, NGOs, and initiatives related to youth leadership, gender equality, and science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM). Because of my focus on these issues, I am particularly interested in the subject of how to best prepare our future generations for a productive life of their choosing, and how actions taken now and, in the past, influence who we become. Also, as I get older and the prospect of a long-term romantic partnership becomes increasingly real, I continually examine myself and what I want to project into the world through my actions and via raising offspring should I have them.
The takeaway from that conversation, which compelled me to return to a blog I’d mostly neglected, was how we can extend some grace to ourselves and others by differentiating between shortcuts with negative connotations, and those that solve problems or express the value we place on time. It occurred to me that the world had built so much around how to keep matched socks, not to mention the numerous other “toilet seat up or down” type exchanges that flow from it. And how “socks” have diverted us from what we now understand as a well-intentioned but counterintuitive manifestation: unnatural biomechanics and poor posture. It also illustrated, at least for me, that innovation and shortcuts can be good or bad – not only in design but how we weaponize or even extrapolate from human and societal dynamics.
From the literal socks theme, for example, my dad wears them all the time, even with sandals. My mom, on the other hand, won’t wear them unless she’s in danger of frostbite. In some ways it’s an act of defiance for her and she will literally go sockless or wear sandals throughout the dead of winter. We joke about it with her but she stands her ground. The net effect of that quirky lifestyle is I am also almost always sockless but lean towards socklets.
We all lead busy lives and my dad mostly does the laundry. When we lose a sock to the washer or dryer monster, it’s not something we turn into a reflection about laziness, shirking responsibility, or assigning fault. In the position to buy more socks and pay the strays forward, we donate them to places that recycle the material to create new articles of clothing, or to organizations that work with the homeless or amputees. The new lessons are then poignant soul-checks and reminders about those who don’t have the privilege of creating drama or angst around sock laundry.
I don’t aspire to be a sock whisperer, especially since it involves building systems and expectations around situations that no longer serve us. Like being hard on ourselves for not successfully rallying others around a goal (take responsibility for your own socks!). Instead, I welcome the opportunity to keep things in perspective, understand there are other important issues and ways to pivot, and connect. This disposition was bred by my parents and impacts who I am, and am becoming. Whatever other lessons learned that don't work will be left behind as I take increased ownership of my life and who I choose to be.
The topics of socks and short cuts are also metaphors about life. This is what struck a chord. There are many who struggle or deal with circumstances unlike our own. Their path is theirs to walk, ultimately. If they are in our lives and we are looking to coexist and lift one another up, the question of how to empower and grow together begs another question of whether that should be accomplished by constantly trying to rearrange one another’s baggage so they'll conform to our idea of who they should be. As a teen I will presumably have a committed relationship and maybe even children someday. How do I bring my best self so we operate with compassion, love, and emotional intelligence? How do I use my wisdom and words to create synergy and understanding instead of harm, shame, or dysfunction?
This also touches on the subject of mental health, which is a societal crisis and one of the most common conditions. In my age group, one in five suffer from at least one mental health disorder. I have always been fascinated with how society has fallen short in this regard. Missing a limb or dealing with what some consider an obvious medical condition lends itself to different reactions and expectations than if I told someone I'm neurodivergent or suffered from what is often a silent or invisible illness. It’s 2023 and we still batter one another for symptoms not always in our control, even with medication. The authentic strength of empathy towards helping others to heal deep inner wounds is sometimes viewed as weakness (and please don't confuse any of this as saying one should subject themselves to abusive behavior or patterns. Healthy boundaries, enlightened self-interest, and self-love demand we sometimes opt out).
My parents are both forces of nature in different ways. My dad is ESFP, outgoing and affable. My mother is an introvert and grew up INTP, but for years is now the rarest of personality types for women, INTJ. Whenever my dad tries to broach certain subjects in public, whether online or in person, she reclaims her private space immediately and with finality. It’s kind of funny to witness, and I expect to hear from her just given what I’ve shared in this blog post. Being that Wal-Mart kid who had a public meltdown was not an option, and my first transgression became my last.
My point above relates to the dialogue I see on the internet, especially social media, where people are publicly shaming or ripping on one another with traditional thinking. This dynamic plays a role in why my generation isn’t dating as much or entering committed romantic relationships despite the tech innovation that connects us. As someone who straddles INTP/INTJ, that a future partner could take to social media to publicly engineer my compliance because they have a limited understanding of biophysiochemical issues – willfully or otherwise – is a very discouraging prospect. Despite the risks, I still strongly believe love is the answer.
Back to socks, and I’ll wrap this up. People didn’t want to keep washing their stinky feet and shoes, or they wanted to keep their feet warm. The short cut was a welcome innovation that created different problems. Now that we’re smarter and aware of new ways to create better solutions, I am reminded of the challenge we still face to raise our humanity to meet similar levels. I have hope that we'll do it.
When I wrote a brief comment in that social media thread the other day, an unknown person apparently looked me up then sent a private snark that read “Oh what do you know? You’re just a kid”. Someone else wrote to tell me they were blocking my organization's account so they couldn't see my posts anymore. None of it is my business and I didn't respond to any of it. People looking for a fight or projecting darkness in the face of good intention. One thing I’ll never pretend to be is omniscient, but what I do know is the world feels better when we exercise kindness wherever possible. Prove me wrong.
Comments